APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION

Logically, CRITTERS makes little to no sense. Don't get me wrong, I love the film. It's a sound classic that was franchised to death, but is still a rather enjoyable movie. "Gremlins for adults", if I had to put a quote on it.* What irks me about CRITTERS is that it should have been a short film, and by short I mean 3 minutes in length.

Did I loose you yet?

CRITTERS brings to mind some awesome memories. Shape shifting bounty hunters, spiky ball beasts with a taste for whatever they can sink their teeth into, quirky characters, Chiodo brothers magic... but the one thing everyone seems to forget is the fact that the Krites were originally intergalactic criminals, not just some movie creature. Picture the first few scenes of the film: a transport is bringing the Krites to a prison asteroid where they commandeer said transport, somehow evade all laser cannons by flying RIGHT IN THEIR LINE OF FIRE, then rocket off toward Earth. If this film made any sense at all, they would have been blown away and the movie would have ended.

Another important plot point that is extremely irking is the existence of the bounty hunters. I mean, let's be honest here... MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON ASTEROID, with no guards. In their place, bounty hunters. This doesn't seem very cost effective, but then again, maybe I'm thinking too much about plot and not enough about concept. And speaking of bounty hunters, who would have imagined that Terrance Mann would later go on to voice The Beast in Disney's BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. From Ug to Beast, that man surely made a great leap in his career.

Anyway, I have always been partial to CRITTERS 4, mainly because it was horrible and in space... much like HELLRAISER 4, LEPRECHAUN 4, and JAWS: THE REVENGE (whose "space" is that which had been wasted on a) celluloid, b) rental shelves, and c) my memory). CRITTERS 2 is definitely my favorite, with three being one of those films who followed the trend of sequels which take place in an apartment building (see: POLTERGEIST III and GREMLINS 2). Needless to say, the CRITTERS franchise is bound to have a film that will appeal to your "tastes".

CRITTERS and it's kin can be found on home video and in various collections. It shouldn't be too hard to find in retail stores come the Halloween season, and (of course) you could always check it out here as well.

* I know, I know... GREMLINS is the Gremlins for adults, but you get my point.